Blottentots and How to Make Them
Author: John Prosper Carmel
Date: 2014-02-14T06:00:00+00:00

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Title: Blottentots and How to Make Them

Author: John Prosper Carmel

Release Date: February 14, 2014 [EBook #44898]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BLOTTENTOTS AND HOW TO MAKE THEM ***

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Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation in the original document have been preserved.

O, I AM PRINCE OF THE INKY IMPS

AND KING OF THE BLOTTENTOT CREW;

MY ANCESTREE HAS A PEDIGREE

OF A ROYAL PURPLISH HUE.

ONCE MY LOT WAS A DARK BLUE SPOT

FLIPPED ON A MILK-WHITE SEA,

A CREASE AND A FOLD—AND A BUCCANEER BOLD

OUT JUMPED—AND THAT WAS ME!

BLOTTENTOTS
AND HOW TO MAKE THEM

BY
JOHN PROSPER CARMEL

If you've never made a

Blottentot

This book will help you
quite a lot!

PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
SAN FRANCISCO AND NEW YORK

Copyright, 1907,
by Paul Elder &
Company.

Entered at
Stationers' Hall,
London.

These were made for Dymphna

HOW TO MAKE BLOTTENTOTS

To make a funny Blottentot,

First take a piece of paper,

Splash on some ink, a single spot,

Crease, press, but cut no caper.

Don't crease exactly at the blot—

You'll have a fearful muddle;

Press gently, too, and not a lot,

Unless you want a puddle.

With everything we humans do,

Practice makes us apter:

So start at once, you'll find it true

At the end of your first chapter.

A FLIT-FLIT FLITTER

In the realms of wonderland

Such flies do gaily flitter,

But when they're just a blot of ink

Of course they cannot glitter.

They flitter, flutter round about,

These Flitter-Flitter-Flitters,

O'er dewy flow'ry sunny meads,

The lightest, brightest critters.

A GOBBLE-ME-UP

Weedy, greedy Gobble-Me-Up,

Your mouth is a fearful size.

Do you live on little girls and boys,

Or merely cakes and pies?

TWO BUCKING NIGHTMARES

Two bucking nightmares ran out to neigh,

Thinking it night, but found it day,

So took to their heels in sore dismay,—

I'm 'fraid they still are running away.

STRANGE BUT TRUE

Now it seems to be scarcely credible,

A difficult thing to think,

That such a strange grotesquerie

Was pressed from a drop of ink.

But word for word I tell you,

As true as word can be,

That in its making there was naught

But the blindest chancerie.

LAW-MAKERS

Tom and Johnny Make-the-law,

Talkative and lazy,

Standing on a Thingumajig

Comical and crazy.

You are just a pair of Imps,

With but one leg that badly limps.

MISTRESS NELL

Gadzooks, Nell Gwynne!

How did you get in?

Did you walk or were you brought
in your chair?

Your dress is perfection

To the smallest section

Of stomacher, quilting and hair.

A PROFESSIONAL TIFF

Said Dr. Spindleshanks,

"I'll stand no silly pranks!"

"You're nothing but a prig!"

Said Dr. Funnywig.

Then, making each a face,

They went off at a pace.

SAFE AT A DISTANCE

You big Bugaboo!

We didn't want you,

But really now that you've come,

If you keep far away

We'll permit you to stay,

Just as long you keep quite dumb.

TEENY AND TINY

Teeny and Tiny Pugnoses

Have discovered two beautiful roses,

But the stems are so tall

They can't reach them at all,

Though they stand on the tips
of their toeses.

IMPISH

You can see by the look of this
big-footed Sprite,

That just the one thing that
affords him delight

Is to give a high jump and land
on your toe,

On the very same spot where
the biggest corns grow.

A LITTLE GRASS MIDGET

This is a little grass Midget,

As you know a most terrible fidget.

For a month every year

He makes it quite clear

That he is a little grass Midget.

SIAMESE TWINS?

I hope they're on pegs,

Because if they're legs,

They are altogether shocking.

They have no feet,

And almost meet,

And haven't the sign of a stocking.

A KANGAR-ROOSTER-ROO

Why, here's our dear old hopper,

Our Kangar-rooster-roo!

And seeing he's such a whopper,

I'll certainly not say "Shoo"!

Then there are two, you see,

So I'd better hold my peace,

Or they may sit on me

And leave me a crumpled crease.

A SURPRISE

A Squidgeecumsquee

Got up in a tree,

And found another—

The fac simile.

"Oh dear! oh my!"

He said jumping high,

"It's surely my brother—

What a horrible guy!"

CONSIDERATE

"You jump over to me," said Sue.

"I wish you would come to me,"

said Loo;

"As sure as I jump

I'll kick that stump,

So really I'd rather let you."

RISKY

Now this is just the funniest rogue,

A Brownie as black as ink,

And what he's doing perched up there,

I'm sure I cannot think.

He's holding his arms like a pair of sails;

Perhaps he's trying to fly.

Let's hope he won't be playing that game

When you and I pass by.

DOGGEREL

Here are the strangest pair of dogs,

What sort I cannot tell,

But judging by their noses sharp

They have the sense of smell.

Their tails are very, very long,—

But does it really matter?

By the very way they stare and start

They're mad as any hatter.

A WARNING

Are these Quumps or Zagabogs,

Golliwogs or Quees?

Anyhow, you'd best look out,—

They're just about to sneeze!

THE LATEST DISCOVERY

I've just discovered a marvelous way

Of making these Blottentots mottled and gray;

If you promise you never will show any one

I'll tell you the secret of how it is done.

Take two bottles of ink, one thick and one thin,

Of different blacks, and dip your pen in;

From each splash a drop at the very same spot,

Then do as before, only pressing a lot.

SORRY GRIGS

What makes these little Grigs so sad?

They're standing most dejected.

Have they been up to something bad

And in it got detected?

LANKY DOODLE

Lanky Doodle came to town

Without his little pony,

Stuck a feather in his hat

With bits of macaroni.

THE DANCE

Jingle your bells and your tambourine

For just such a dance as you never have seen;

Such swishing of skirts, and glancing of feet,

Such bowing and parting, then running to meet;

So jingle your bells and your tambourine,

And keep them a-dancing from morning till e'en.

LOOK OUT FOR HIM!

He's flying in the air,

So you are safe and sound;

But you had better skip

When he lights upon the ground.

MACBETH

Act I, Scene I.

"When shall we 'two' meet again—

In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"

"When the hurly-burly's done,

When the battle's lost and won."

PERPLEXING

A queer little wight,

Very strangely dight,

Looked so much like his brother,

That, believe me, it's true,

No one ever knew

How to tell one from t'other.

MERELY ACCIDENTAL

Such angular shapes

In such beautiful capes

Are the silliest contradiction,

But they simply "came,"

So I'm not to blame;

With Blottentots there's no restriction.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

"Now really it is shocking!" irately said

Miss B,

"To think that you are mocking and
making fun of me.

You have your wings and rufflings
the very same as I,

So you need not turn your nose up,
with a twinkle in your eye."

A DE-DUCK-TION

Pluck

A duck

Of a wing.

Alack!

He'll quack,

And not sing.

AN OVERSIGHT

Two Rabbits met and shook hands one day

In the gravest possible kind of a way.

But what was the cause of their serious mien

From our picture is not very easily seen.

They'd been jollier far if they'd stopped to sup

The honeyed mead from the buttercup.

QUITE THE THING

Words fail

To detail,

I can only smile.

Your salute

Is cute

And just perfect style.

QUAINT AND QUEER

Quaint and Queer,

A funny pair,

The funniest you could see,

Met one day

In a strange array,

The strangest that could be.

Each stood and stared

As if he feared

That he would get a poke;

But laughed to find

The other kind,

And thought it all a joke.

FINIS

Before, I had some Cassowaries,

Now I have two Dromedaries.

So just to leave some shapes for you,

I'll doff my cap and say adieu.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Blottentots and How to Make Them, by
John Prosper Carmel

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Table of Contents

- BLOTTENTOTS AND HOW TO MAKE THEM
- HOW TO MAKE BLOTTENTOTS
- A FLIT-FLIT FLITTER
- A GOBBLE-ME-UP
- TWO BUCKING NIGHTMARES
- STRANGE BUT TRUE
- LAW-MAKERS
- MISTRESS NELL
- A PROFESSIONAL TIFF
- SAFE AT A DISTANCE
- TEENY AND TINY
- IMPISH
- A LITTLE GRASS MIDGET
- SIAMESE TWINS?
- A KANGAR-ROOSTER-ROO
- A SURPRISE
- CONSIDERATE
- RISKY
- DOGGEREL
- A WARNING
- THE LATEST DISCOVERY
- SORRY GRIGS
- LANKY DOODLE
- THE DANCE
- LOOK OUT FOR HIM!
- MACBETH Act I, Scene I.
- PERPLEXING
- MERELY ACCIDENTAL
- BIRDS OF A FEATHER
- A DE-DUCK-TION
- AN OVERSIGHT
- QUITE THE THING
- QUAINT AND QUEER
- FINIS